Men are super. I am honestly a HUGE (pay attention to the all caps) fan and my girlfriends can attest to the fact that I am not into bashing or trash talking the opposite sex. Well, not that much or that often. Anyway, I've established that having a crush on a man is an inherent part of who I am and I embrace that. It's lovely.
But, while men are great, women are divine. Through the years, I realize, I have had crushes on my same sex sisters as well. Before your imagination gets ahead of me, let me say that my crushes don't involve any hopes or dreams of girl on girl action. Sorry fellas. While I find the female physique to be exquisite, when I find myself crushing on a woman, it's because she possesses qualities that I find becoming, characteristics I wish I could own, or at times, DO own. I want to be her or see part of myself in her.
My first girl crush was Brooke Shields. Seeing her in those Calvin Klein commercials from the early 80's, I found her to be the most beautiful and exotic female I had ever seen. I wanted dark, thick eyebrows, flawless skin, long legs and yes, even size 10 feet to match. My understanding of genetics was sadly and sorely lacking. I knew that oftentimes big feet translated into height, so I wanted big feet to ensure I'd grow tall. What I neglected to realize was the role my parents and their parents played in determining my stature and shoe size. I fell quite short of the mark on all accounts. Even my eyebrows are a sparse comparison. For kicks, I just YouTubed those commercials, and while she was beautiful, they are torture to watch. You have to admit though, she looked amazing in those Calvin's. Bitch.
Real life crushes include a girl a grade above me in elementary school. She wore saddle oxfords and her headgear to school and for reasons I cannot explain, I found that fascinating. Imagine my chagrin when my orthodontist informed me I would not be needing to wear a headgear! How dare he deny me? At least my mom bought me some knock off saddle oxfords. They had to be knock offs because I don't ever recall getting name brand wares. I swear, if we couldn't make it ourselves, it came from some discount source. I'm not sure why those things about that girl stood out to me. Maybe I could sense her confidence as she sported a mouth full of metal and a strap around her head? I can't say for sure. What I can safely say is that my tastes have always leaned towards the eclectic.
Since fourth grade, there have been many, many more girl/woman crushes along the way. I will always love amazing women such as Katharine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, and the unparalleled Maya Angelou. They are brilliantly exquisite and my love for them will never falter. Ever.
Other crushes that I seriously question and were more a "flash in the pan" variety include The Spice Girls (on a side note, I could never choose between Ginger or Posh), Kate Pierson from The B 52's, Gwen Stefani AND her abs, Pink, and Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones. Man, that character really hit home.
My latest crush, though, is "Liz Lemon" from the NBC sitcom 30 Rock. As someone who puts her foot in her mouth nearly every time she opens it, I am thrilled to see someone on screen who makes me feel normal. I love that she is average-pretty, smart, and so quirky it makes you feel like your hangs up are minor by comparison. The fact that she loves to eat, embarrasses herself constantly, and stumbles through life makes me adore her even more. More often than not, when I see her on t.v., I feel validated and justified as I blow through life like a tornado. She has a real body, food on her clothes and in her hair and I bet she even forgets to put on deodorant or brush her teeth some days. I love, love, LOVE her.
Recently, I visited my fair maiden of a city, Manhattan, and soaked up the experience. I wore my Aubergine wellies, danced drunk in a park after dark, took stupid "arm pictures" with my best friend, and had the time of my life. Said friend took a picture of me near our hotel sticking my head into an antique lion water fountain and when I showed it to my five year old son (who yes, has seen partial episodes of 30 Rock) paid me the best compliment I've had in ages. As the photo flashed onto my monitor, the first thing he said was, "You look like Lemon". I felt woozy, beamed a stupid grin, and had to have a moment alone with myself. What a great day!
So men, while you truly are where it's "at", you can also "suck it" for a while, so I can get my kicks off with the girls. Just say "blerg!" and hold tight. I'll be back soon.
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