Sex and Laughter: Waxing Poetic

It's fascinating to me what I remember from my childhood. Such odd tidbits and snippets of memories filter through my mind. I always am left wondering how much of what I concoct is genuine versus the patina that the years pile on.

One of my random memories is from when I was roughly four years old. I can see the fluorescent lights of the department store, the racks of swimsuits, and the most amazing bikini I had ever laid eyes on.

This bikini was divine! It was chartreuse with purple and orange circles all over it. The piece de resistance were the purple, plastic "o" rings that met on the sides of the bikini bottoms and in the middle of the halter top. Despite being a preschooler, I innately knew there was something exotic and magical about this swimsuit. I'm sure I wore it all summer long as I slipped and slid my way across our St. Augustine green lawn in the oppressive, Texas heat.

Sadly, though, that was my one and only bikini in life. Okay, in all honesty, I might have worn a bikini once or twice in public since then, but I never, ever purchased another one with such glee and innocence and most importantly, with such confidence.

For reasons that are best left for another blog, I was never really simpatico with bikinis. Year after year, they were the holy grail of the swimsuit season, the elysium that I was never able to achieve.

At some point, I realized that it was ridiculous to pine for something that wasn't meant for me. Life is too short to dream about certain things that have no basis in reality. And with somewhat content resignation, I moved on to the one piece and then the tankini with as much joy as swimsuit season allows.

This year, though, as warm weather creeps into our bright days, I have a renewed joy. While I won't be wearing a bikini at the pool, I will be happily sporting a bikini wax!

I'm not sure why it took me so long to embrace this practice. I tried for years and years to master shaving my bikini zone to perfection. One friend's advice is that you must "soak that shit" to avoid irritation and bumps. I'm here to tell you that I could have been a raisin in the tub and I would still have issues.

Then, finding the right razor is a nightmare. Grocery aisles overflow with various razors such as the Gillette Venus Divine, the Gillette Mach3 Turbo, the Gillette Fusion, and the Gillette Fusion Power. And these are just a sampling of what is to offer. I must have 15 different razors in my medicine cabinet and yet not one was able to work their advertised magic on my bikini zone.

Add in the decision about which shaving cream, lotion or soap to use and it's very easy to want to just opt for the Sasquatch look.

Something compelled me recently to have a bikini (plus a bit) wax and the results were fabulous! While not comfortable, I felt about as awkward and embarrassed as I would trying on bikini swimsuits in a poorly lit, cramped, dressing room with those mirrors that hold you hostage to every cookie you might have ever eaten.

Getting waxed puts you in a compromising position, but for most of us, so does dropping that swimsuit cover up and making those first tentative steps to the edge of the pool before we can slip in and hide under the water.

For those of us who have given birth, it's actually a walk in the park. A well groomed and manicured park at that.

Without sounding any wackier than I actually am, I must confess that I love my newly waxed bikini zone. Being waxed makes me feel sexy, smooth, and sublimely female.

I am confident that there is not a single bikini in the world that could make me feel so great. Not even a chartreuse, purple and orange one with "o" rings on the bottoms and the halter top.