After a really busy, chaotic day, I feel zapped. I'm fresh out of the bath, wet hair still wrapped in a towel on my head and I just don't think I can move a muscle. For some reason, I carb loaded today and my blood sugar is taking a nosedive. In a nutshell, I feel the melancholy blahs coming on, despite not having a valid reason to make a visit.
When I'm blue, instead of trying to combat it, I perversely like to ride it out for a while. It's almost as if I inherently know that if I don't clear it all out now, the lingering remnants will pull at me until they knock me down only to start the process over again.
Tonight is turning out to be one of those nights and Itunes is an ally for my mission. No matter how many songs you have in your catalog, no matter what genre of music you enjoy, I am positive you have something on your Ipod that is slow, doleful, painfully poignant and beautiful. Maybe hearing it reminds you of a loved one you've lost, the one who got away, even the one you might have wanted but could never have. Maybe the song reminds you of all those dreams you dared to dream, once upon a time, that seem light years from where you are now.
For whatever reason, when I find such a song and I am in this frame of mind, I can listen to it over and over as I work through the cobwebs in my head. The lyrics become my life, as if sprung forth from my mouth, my actions, my thoughts. My heart aches at their clarity and certainty. I feel as if, in that moment, I am the song.
Usually, the song is sappy. I confess, when it comes to music I am not very discerning. At all. I am fully aware that The Beatles have a ton of amazing heart wrenching songs. The Beach Boys have some high caliber gems. John Coltrane and Miles Davis are excellent choices for the 'ride it out' blues. There are many, many talented artists from which to choose. And yet, I can be satisfied with Helen Reddy. Seriously.
Sometimes, I'll cry. I can cry a few silent, solitary tears or I can unleash an unabashed waterfall, after which, I feel better. Tonight won't be one of those nights, mainly because I am not alone and there are far too many distractions. Kids are playing outside and all around, the dog is trotting through and "Must See TV" is on the agenda. My blahs don't seem to be what they were an hour ago.
Yeah, come to think of it, tonight isn't one of those nights at all. The kids are still making noise, the dog counter surfed the leftover Chinese carbs, NBC is coming through with The Office and 30 Rock, and it turns out, I don't even have Helen Reddy in my Itunes catalog. Must've just been my sugar rush wearing off after all.
Pick happier music. That would solve most of this shit. You do realize, don't you, that you're in control of what you put into your head? Garbage in, garbage out. Happy in, happy out! Unless, of course, you like to waller in it which I think you do. Hey, whatever makes you happy, or miserable, or both.
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